Most Lonely Moments of Japanese Women with no Experience with a Boyfriend

This may not sit well with some, but it’s true that women who have no boyfriend sometimes feel lonely and vulnerable. For men, on the other hand, it may be the best time to strike up a conversation with that special someone you have been wanting to get to know. Today, we surveyed more than 400 Japanese women in their late teens and 20s and compiled a list of some of the loneliest moments they experienced when they didn’t have a boyfriend.

1. When she finds herself working overtime on Valentine’s Day.

For Japanese women, Valentine’s Day carries a lot of significance and helps validate women who are in happy relationships. One Japanese woman in her 20s confessed, “Everyone is so happy except me.… It makes me curse my fate!” Everyone else is in a happy relationship and her situation is too much to bear on this special day. The same can be said for her birthday. “I bet I wouldn’t be sitting here working overtime if I had a boyfriend.” Her loneliness gets amplified on these special occasions, turning the day into something she dreads.

2. The sad female character from her favorite TV drama finds the love of her life.

“I feel betrayed. I thought she was on my side,” commented one young Japanese woman. She felt a special connection with the character in the drama and she related to her TV life. Now the TV character has found a boyfriend and the story looks like it is going to end “happily ever after.” Even though she knows it’s fiction, she can’t help feeling like her best friend has betrayed her. That’s the perfect cue for you to come in and sweep her off her feet. Studying the storyline of a popular drama may work to your advantage when you’ve been unable to find a common topic to talk about with that special someone.

3. When she discovers that her ex is getting married.

The longer the relationship lasted, the harder it is for her to swallow the news. “I thought I had no regrets but I felt crashed,” admitted one Japanese woman in her 20s. The initial shock is unbearable, especially if the relationship was serious before it dissolved. However, don’t underestimate the power of adversity. Some women may get fired up and go seek their true love for themselves.

4. When she doesn’t have any plans for the holidays.

Japan offers quite a few national holidays for people to enjoy over long weekends. “I didn’t even have a plan to R&R from the daily obligations. I felt devastated when I realized that I wasn’t living my life to the fullest,” recalls one Japanese woman in her 20s. When she doesn’t have friends (much less a boyfriend) to spend the holidays with, she can’t help but feel lonely and vulnerable. You have nothing to lose—go ahead and ask her out. “Do you have any plans for the holiday? Do you want to get together?” She may appreciate you even more for offering to pull her out of her isolation and boredom.

5. When she visited a popular date spot by herself.

“Ouch! I didn’t need to be reminded that I don’t have a boyfriend,” one Japanese woman said in agony. Unless she has exceptionally thick skin, it’s difficult to witness couples in love and not feel lonely or left out. If you see a post on her Facebook page saying that she “enjoyed” stargazing by herself, try to cheer her up by making an innocent joke.

6. When she has no love stories to share or brag about during a girls’ night out.

“I had nothing to add when my friends were talking about their boyfriends,” a young Japanese woman told us with sagging shoulders. A girls’ night out is supposed to be fun, but she feels left out because she doesn’t have a love story of her own to share. If she mutters to you about her girls’ night out turning sour, showing your compassion by sharing a similar experience can bring you closer together.

7. When she discovers that her old classmate gave birth to her second child.

“I don’t even have a boyfriend and I feel jealous,” confessed one Japanese woman in her 20s. There’s nothing she can do about it, but she still can’t help comparing it with her current situation and becoming green with envy. “There’s a baby boom around me, it must be the water,” some women may joke, pretending that it doesn’t bother them, but they may secretly be resentful inside.

8. When no one visited her in the hospital.

One Japanese woman in her 20s sobbed, “First time in my life, I felt so lonely.” In Japan, it’s not uncommon to be admitted into the hospital for a relatively run-of-the-mill illness such as pneumonia. Regardless of why she was in the hospital, when she is feeling unwell, receiving no visitors to comfort her is emotionally heartbreaking. It’s like being kicked when she’s already down. If you find that she is feeling unwell, even if it’s from a little cold, send her a quick word so she knows you care.